Chicks-n-Scratching

Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

I sat down last night to fiddle with some notes for a menage I’m planning to write. I know I wanted a sci-fi treasure hunt theme. I had no idea the background of this story or really much about any of the characters, except the names I’d given them during a previous and very abreviated session. Now, let me pre-empt this tale by saying that I’m trying out a new writing program yWriter5. Last night was really the first time I’ve used it in great detail to actually write a scene. I think I like it. I feel very much like I’m doing free writing and not bogged down by what it looks like on the screen. I also have to be aware of my own spelling gaffs, since I haven’t downloaded the spellchecker on it yet.

But I digress.

Anyhoo, as I’m writing the “ideas” section,  just letting my mind unfold and doing some free writing in the program, I came upon this beautiful myth unfolding about this civilzation that may or may not share common ancestry with the ancient Egyptians. (I say this because the myth I came up with pretty much sounds like it could have come from the Nile region.) – Though, I doubt very much I’ll even mention Earth or the Egyptians in this story.  But the entire time I’m writing this background legend, I’m amazing myself with my storytelling abilities. I looked around the living room (I was on my netbook at the time) to see if any antennea or microwaves were feeding me information from some alternate universe. No. I was alone save my dog whose only mission in life at that moment was to lick her butt.

I knew then that this story is going to kick some major arse.

Then I started writing the first scene in a shady bar room in a shit side of the galaxy, and what comes out is kind of quirky and funny. I like what I have so far, but it’s not the sensuous read I thought it would be. At least not yet. But I like it. I like the way it flows and the outragous characters that inhabit this little corner of the story. And I especially like my smart ass heroine who has totally taken over the scene like she’s Buckaroo Banzi with tits.

So, even though this might not fit the publisher it was meant for originally. I think it will be a very good story when it’s completed. It might not even make it into a menage if the heroine doesn’t want it to. I think I’ll be taking cues from her on this one. She seems pretty competent and smart, and she’s hell with a cyber-blade.

-Kate

A friend of mine sent me a link the other day, and it got me thinking about the astonishingly stupid things people do – things that make you wonder if these people have a functioning brain at all.

There are a few really memorable WTF moments – and many, many available for your viewing pleasure on the internet. It’s like one giant tribute to the Darwin Awards.

So, here are a couple that just made me shake my head.

The soccer player in me just wants to card this kid something fierce.

This one: warning.  not for the squeamish.

So, he does it. falls. again. again. again. Are you seeing a pattern? yeah. What did he think would happen?

I think my favorite part of this one is the look on his face. Where did that window come from?!

and just to prove guys don’t have stupid cornered:

remind me never, ever, ever to do these things. kthx.

A while back, I was reading a (vintage!) serial, and came across a line that just made me laugh out loud.  It was so cliche, so worn out, that I was astonished at it’s usage.  But then I remembered – when this was written, maybe it wasn’t so tired, wasn’t so cliched.

It made me think – always dangerous business.  What are some lines now that are, well, for lack of a better term modern cliche? I mean by this that it is something that has become cliche in, oh, say the last decade or two.  I’ll start you out with a few. And because I’m me, you get some reference material.

“You make me want to be a better man.” – Famously from As Good as it Gets

“You complete  me.” from Jerry Maguire is a close runner up on the romantic cliche to that one, but good delivery can make these two lines actually work.

“I’m the king of the world!” – from Titanic. Which makes me want to hurl.

“It’s not a tum-ah!” – from Kindergarten Cop. Which makes me laugh like a loon.

And….

“Get out of there!” – from nearly every action movie ever made.

Do you have faves?

So, Munchkin is 6, and she’s, in some ways, a very standard sort of 6-year-old girl. Princesses and dress up mixed with drawing and kung fu (okay, maybe not standard, but you know what I mean). She’s only just turned 6 and is still, socially and emotionally speaking, a kindergartner transitioning to first-grader.

In other ways, though, she’s not so standard. Now, I realize that all kids are different and all parents think their kid is brilliant, but mine is. She’s reading at far above her grade level, can do the first grade math with ease, and can do complicated puzzles herself (though she WANTS people to do it with her, which is really more social than skill). She  does Sudoku (not my level, but she does do it).

So I have a bit of a problem.  When it comes to reading materials and computer games, she’s a challenge to me. Intellectually, she’s definitely ready for the 7-10, some things even higher. Socially, not so much. So I’m having some difficulty finding books and games that are both intellectually challenging and age-appropriate. I can find things that are age-appropriate, and she is less than challenged. I can find things that are challenging, but they aren’t age appropriate. Why is this such a pain? Don’t other people have smart 6-year-olds? They have to, right?

I figured I’d open this up to the collective mind of the internet. Help me. I don’t want to spend scads of money, but I want her to have things that are both challenging and appropriate.

Some things I have found that work are the I Spy hidden object games from Scholastic – but they’re pretty expensive for what you get. E-bay helps some there. My BFF sent some interesting books – some are not so challenging, some more challenging. She did a good job. She digs the Magic Tree House and Magic School Bus books, and we definitely do lots of those.  But I’d welcome more book suggestions. Keep in mind I want her to read them herself, so short chapters work better. Also, she has a vivid imagination, so she will scare herself sick if it’s too creepy or scary.

Do you have suggestions for PC games and/or books that might work for an intellectually advanced but socially/emotionally average 6-year-old girl? Heeeelp meeeee…..

I have a confession. I prefer dirty men. Yep, give me a blue collar guy any day over a starched white collar hero any day. Not that there are not some areas that are in the middle, there are. Like security specialist (that icon of RomSus) or even Police officers, etc. Those types of professions I don’t normally associate with any collar, actually. Hmm, that group needs a name. Let’s call them the middle men for sake of argument.

Now, I get the appeal of white collar dudes, I do. I have written a few. There is something soothing about a guy sitting in an office, making deals, making money (face it, the $$$ is what white collar is about), the thrill of the legal and business game. These men are lawyers, business tycoons, leaders of industry, the historical viscount, etc.

I get all that.These men are usually very intelligent, somewhat ruthless and have shark-like instincts. They hold power like a sword and wield it with razor-sharp precision.  Good hero characteristics if you don’t make them dull as dishwater or an alphahole.

The Middle Men bridge the gap between the stuffed shirts and common man. They are not so out of reach as to be unattainable but they are a not the everyday Joe. They often are required to have a great body to do their jobs but they are not the kind that come home daily sweaty and grease stained.

They are in command(shades of white collar) but have to do the work themselves (blue collar). They are often the saviors of the day. Firemen, police officers, body guards, etc make up this delectable group. This is a nice balance and I think a greater number of heroes fall into this category.

Still at the end of the day, I prefer those men who have worked with their hands. The salt of the earth type, if you will. A blue collar guys knows his worth and his value isn’t attached to his bank statement. He isn’t afraid to get his clothes dirty to help out a stranger, and sometimes gets kicked in the teeth by daily life.

His hands are rough, he drinks beer not wine and may have told an off-color joke or two in his life. He is approachable, understood and attainable… and yummy. He is the farmer, the mechanic, the logger, the construction dude.

What ‘class’ of hero do you prefer?

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary.

Fourteen years. Seriously? How the hell did that happen?

Anyway, it made me think a bit about love, marriage, life, and all that jazz. What is it about love and romance that makes me want to write it? Makes me want to live it?

I think it’s the hopefulness of it, the life-affirming idea that there is continuity, stability, acceptance. That we are each one of us a worthy and wonderful person, and that somewhere there are people who recognize that.

I am not an easy person. I’m bitchy, moody, stubborn. On the plus side, I’m smart – really smart – and often funny (in a snide, sarcastic way). I’m sure this is big news to all of you – because this kind of thing NEVER comes through in my posts or writing. [hey! you could sprain something rolling your eyes like that!]

But I think, at the core of it, this sums it up. I am a world class HOPEFUL romantic.

Yeah I am cheating but work with me here, I am low on coffee this morning.

So, what’s up with you? Anything exciting happening in your life? Share with me. Entertain me.

Me? Lots of things are bubbling behind the scenes. First and foremost is the launch of Carina Press on June 7th. That is going to set the ball rolling for my summer. I have THREE stories coming out with them this summer, one a co-write with our chickilicious Ginny Glass. Here look at this…

Did your heart beat just a little faster? Mine did. Love that presentation and the cover art is gorgeous!

Speaking of gorgeous…

I want to marry that video. Is it not simply stunning? Goldenheart Winner Jeannie Lin designed it and OMG, love it!

And just because he is so… so… well, you get the idea. I leave you with this guy.

Not to mention people with the inability to hear what the customer is saying. The empoyee (read: waste-of-space) can only read off a script that doesn’t vary, no matter your question, complaint or situation. Dave and I have been fighting with a major auto financing company for days and day because of something they did. They refuse to take responsibility and keep telling us that we are xx days late on our payments – yes, I said payments – because they sent a check back to us with a letter saying that we had the wrong payee on it. Now, let me back up a bit and say that Dave pays our bills online through our bank. Our bank then in turn issues a check. The check the assholes sent back, has their company name in big letters right next to “Pay to the Order of.”

Honestly, I don’t know if they were waiting for me to cover it in sparkles or send it with an accompanying brass band. So, now we call and ask what in the hell we’re supposed to do with the check, and why are they suddenly sending this back to us when they’ve cashed every other one we’ve been sending for over a year? The answer: “You are xx days late and it says here that the check was sent back to you for the wrong payee. ”

Smoke slowly begins to pour from my ears at this point. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m looking at the check right now, it’s in my hot little hand and it has your company’s name on it.”

Dead silence.

“Ma’am you’re xx days late on your payments.”

By this point I want not only claw her eyes out, but my own as well.

My hubby had just made another payment on line, this one a double. I told the braindead woman this and she said. “Ma’am you’re xx days late.”

“How can I be when my husband just made a payment. Here’s the confirmation number.”

For the next four days we contined to get calls saying we were behind. No one. And I mean no one is able to think outside their cubicle here.

I woke to Dave yelling at someone on the phone they were giving him the exact same run-around. Finally, he lost it so bad the dogs hid. He then asked to speak to a supervisor. Things are not quite resolved, but reasonably better now. However, my credit is fucked because of the company’s mistake. Not fair. At all.

Don’t even get me started with the incompetence at my mortgage company. The right hand doesn’t know the left one even exsists over there. We got notified by them that they paid our property taxes and they were raising our monthly payment to cover the escroe account they opened for us – without us asking – the reason – they said we hadn’t paid our property taxes, or our township hadn’t informed them of payment. Whatever. I have receipts that prove I paid. So what’s the problem? They are a bunch of freakin’ idiots. That’s what. It comes down to that alone.

So, today I called a mortgage broker who works with one of my best friends who owns her own realty company. He’s the man who wrote up our original mortgage and refianced us when we bought the house ten years ago. He’s going to see what he can do for us. Thank God!!! Now just cross your fingers and pray.

As for the car. The lease is up in December, so I’m going out on my next day off and looking at new ones. I’m going to talk to the credit union at work and see about getting another car and having the payments taken out of my paycheck. (They do payroll deduction where I work) No muss. No fuss. No drama.

That’s the plan. I am just sooooo over the fucking drama that isn’t even of our making.

Jesus wept.

So, let me hear about your brushes with incompetence. Please, let me know I’m not the only one being bombarded by stupidity.

-Kate

Alright, I’ll admit, I’m not infallible. I’m human. I make mistakes and I learn from them and move on. Therein lies the heart of this post. Consider it a cautionary tale for those of you who may think to do this in the future. Take some advice and don’t do it, no matter how much your mind and body screams for you to. No matter if your muse is standing over your shoulder with a rubber hose threatening you. Simply turn around and give them a hearty face shove.

So, here is what I did that I will never do again–at least to the degree I did it this time around.

Using place holders instead of writing the love/sex scenes.

See, it seemed a good idea at the time since I just wanted to finish the book with plot and characters so I could go back and reread and edit and get the book out the damn door. I thought, hell, I’ll just put holders in the love scenes (bright red ones with notes as to the intent of the scene character-wise) then I’d go back during editing and fill them in. Big mistake. Huge. I can’t even express the mental fatigue I have now after writing 7 love scenes in 5 days each one 1k-2k long. In a word, I’m spent. In order to keep things fresh I kept pushing my personal writing boundries. While that is not necessarily a bad thing while writing an erotic romance, it sure makes you sit and stare at the screen, scratching your chin and wondering what the hell you’re going to write next. Then there are the emotional issues during lovemaking. Now, I have done this before on a much smaller scale. One or two scenes only and not always sex related and I had no trouble going back in. Thus, I thought this instance would be fine. Man, was I mistaken. Hard.

I try to have some revelation of character during each love scene. I don’t want it just about tab B in slot A and choreography without meaning. I want the deep emotional responses for my characters as well as physcial fulfillment. Not always easy to accomplish, but better when you are writing linearly and not jumping around. Of course, I went back to a scene or two before the love scene so I knew what was going on and place the action in context, but still. Ugh. I’m one that has always prided herself on letting the sex play grow organically from the plot and characters. Gratuitious action generally turns me off. So, why do I feel, even though I had those place holders there where the sex should have been had I written linearly, that the scenes are in fact extraneous?  Maybe this is just a fear derived from working the way I did on this book. It’s not like me at all. And you  know what? I don’t think I liked it.

How many of you take things out of order and then have to go back and lace things in? Did it seem like a struggle or did you embrace it with open arms? Please let me know, I’m really interested in how it worked for you.

-Kate

In this episode, we’re going with arts and crafts that result in a very strong WTF reaction from me.  Links may not be safe for work. Or sanity.

I have to admit, to begin, that what sparked this topic was a post at Romance Divas. The post linked to this teddy bear. Total squick. Ew.

The next few are from one of my fave WTF sites: Ugliest Tattoos. Because there is nothing like taking your WTFery and permanently inking it on your body. WIN! We’ll start by saying that tattoo artists should provide spell check. Really. And then there’s well… just… WTF?! The whole site is a laundry list of DON’T DO THAT!

This set is from Regretsy. The tagline here says it all: Where DIY Meets WTF. Again with the spelling. Come on, people. And back on the subject of dolls - or cats - or holy crap. I think my head exploded. And the art. Um. Okay, I can’t do more of that.

Last set. Almost done. This one is cakes, which I suppose I’m counting as crafts. You make cake, right? I love the Cake Wreck site. Holiday cakes, occasion cakes. You name it, people screw it up.

There. Now wasn’t that fun?