Archive for the ‘Thursday 13’ Category

Not that Goofy. The other kind, silly, cutting up, hanging loose and just being… stupid.

13 things that make me laugh or in some way tickle my silly bone.

BUFFY meets Edward

Vampires suck

STAR TREK as you’ve never seen it

I’m melting. It is too damned hot to move. 13 lines cut off in a weird place no matter where I looked so bonus lines, but not many.  Enjoy!

TALK DIRTY TO ME by Inez Kelley and Ginny Glass

Coming from Carina Press July 19th

“God, your skin is like silk. My hands are stroking down your stomach. Run the Bullet around your bellybutton, slow. That’s my tongue, Nora. Trace your hip all the way down, sweetheart. No, I hear you turning it up. Leave it alone, medium setting. I like to take my time.”

Goosebumps erupted along her tummy, the soft vibrations channeling lust through her body, igniting a growing need at her core.

“Go right to your bikini line. Drag the tip just across it. Now up to your navel again.”

“James, please…”

“Shh, let me explore you. Turn it up just a bit. I want to nibble a line straight down your hip to your leg.”

A whimper eked out before she could stop it. James chuckled.

“I’ve got a taste of you and now I’m starving for more. I want you to slide the Bullet across your inner thighs. There and only there.”

She did what he asked, shivering. Her nipples ached with delicious pain, and her wet pussy thumped in empty need.

“Now what?”

“Imagine my fingers there, skimming across the muscles. Back and forth, back and forth. Don’t you dare touch anywhere else.”

She fell into the rhythm of his words, rocked to the low bass of a voice that had no body. He was everywhere, but nowhere. It was deliriously wicked and entirely not enough. Sweat covered her body.

“Touch me more.”

TALK DIRTY TO ME

Get it, love it, buy batteries.

I had waaaaaaaaaay too much fun on Twitter last night not to share some of my favorites today. The hashtag is my creation because my brain was melting and I needed to laugh. The idea is stuff that would automatically be rejected by an editor or agent in a romance novel.

I got silly. Then more people joined in! So here are some of my favorites. If they are not accredited with a @, then *I* said it.

1- If your hero announces “RELEASE THE KRAKEN” and drops his pants #AutoRejection

2- If your heroine screams her brother’s name in bed #AutoRejection

3- The word TALLYWACKER #AutoRejection

4- @jodie_who: When the ’secret baby/pregnancy’ is a secret to the heroine as well. #AutoRejection

5- If your hero ever utters the words “You’re tighter than a sheep” #AutoRejection

6- @ginnyglass: If the marriage of convenience involves a bride or groom that is inflatable #AutoRejection

7- @jodie_who: When the hero expects the heroine to get along with his sex doll. When a hero HAS a sex doll #AutoRejection

8- If the hero sparkles and runs faster than lightning… oh wait, nevermind #AutoRejection

9- @WendySparrow: If the enviable long silky mustache is on your heroine…. #AutoRejection

10- @ginnyglass: If your makeover scenes involve labia reduction surgery, please dear God #AutoRejection

11- @VivianArend: If the heroine’s 5 o’clock shadow is heavier than the heroes #AutoRejection

12- @katiebabs: If the hero wants the heroine to meet his son and it’s a sock puppet name Norm #autorejection

13- @ginnyglass: When the third in your menage is the hero’s ventriloquist dummy #AutoRejection

BONUS!  Because these are too good to miss…

@jodie_who: The fact the hero NAMES his penis. #AutoRejection

If your shifter is a dog and licks his own balls #AutoRejection

@katiebabs: When the hero breaks out the penis pump during the first sex scene #autorejection

@EbonyMcKenna: “dear sir/madam agent. I wrote this vampire fiction-novel in my own blood..” #autorejection

@ginnyglass: if tattoo’d above the hero’s belt line – “caution: choking hazard” or “may contain nuts” #AutoRejection

If each member of your menage is a different gender #autorejection

Got to love twitter when you are brain fried!

I have 3/4 of a teaspoon on brainpower left. This summer is just sucking the life out of me. S0 a quick random glimpse into whatever thought pops into my head.

13: I hate mosquitoes with a hate as hot as the flames of a crackwhore’s crotch. *itchitchitch*

12: Why is there no government stipend for writers/mothers? There should be.

11: Too much sex toy browsing with Ginny Glass last night (for prize baskets, people, mind out of the gutter). Dreamed I was in a vibe warehouse. It hummed.

10: Didn’t sleep well and Am grumpy today. Not too different than normal  lately.

9: I am so far behind on technology it isn’t funny. I feel like the caveman in the Geico commercials.

8: I miss the mountains.

7: I want to write and write and yet, my brain is in a meh loop and I don’t like anything that comes out.

6: I make a killer pan of homemade lasagna. Now if it wasn’t so damn hot I might feel like eating.

5: Sometimes I live too much in my stories and then get confused when the real world intrudes.

4: The last few books I have read left me wondering what the hell??

3: I want a nose job like a teenage boy wants laid.

2: I dodged a professional bullet yesterday and feel guilty because I feel so relieved.

1: Pajamas are wonderful clothes and should be given more respect.

First off, until the next comment is added, there have been 666 approved messages on this blog. *gulp*  Does that say something or what?

Okay, moving on…

I despise SPAM and it makes no sense to me whatsoever. We chicks write about a lot of varied things so it is hard to tell what word we might choose in a specific place but whatever it is, it must trip some SPAMbot’s trigger because we get some weird-assed SPAM here. So for my Thursday 13… SPAM!

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13- Okay, really, we write romance novels. Romance heroes DO NOT  need viagra.

Some time ago, I really needed to buy a good house for my organization but I didn’t have enough cash and could not buy anything. Thank heaven my fellow suggested to take the mortgage loans at reliable bank. Therefore, I did so and used to be happy with my financial loan.

12 – I am happy for you AmandaMortgage, I really am. Now go away.

?????? ?? ??????

?????? ?? ???????

????????? ???

?????? ????? ?? ?????????

11- uhm.. okay then

Greatings, ,

Gracias – Worker

10- Nice try, Worker. The email of a free porn site adds mucho credibility to your post and what a kreaytive speller!

okey but i’m lost hahah just how? do u achieve so many mobsters since i just have 4 ( including my mafia! ) plus i doubt im planning to achieve higher addtionally i’m level nineteen plus gaining greater thus precisely how do i increase my mafia members quick at such a low lvl Or is this a bad website to question?

9- Which chick used the words FACEBOOK and attracted that loser?

I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success.

8- Thanks for the compliment Goldwizard. I expect to see shared royalties, got it?

I apologise, but, in my opinion, you commit an error. I can prove it.

You were visited with excellent idea

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I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I am assured. Write to me in PM, we will discuss.

7- riiiiiiiiiight I will jump on THAT offer to PM you, idiot.

I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidentally?like on a breeze.

6- *headpat* It’s alright, Forrest. Nice credit check link in the email too.

Lost was initially such a good tv show, nothing else on the telly actually comes close.

5- Never saw it but thank so much onlinetv for stopping by!

Howdy, your site is on air in the radio! Good job mate. Your posts are truly great and bookmarked. Regards

4- best regards to YOU healthyandskinnyproducts! Now move along.

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3- I am trying to figure out what amateur radio has to do with porn… it escapes me

Did you hear the one about the farmer and the priest? email me!

2- Did you hear the one about the asshole sent to the trash file?

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1- geeee, just what I always wanted!

*delete forever*

At least until tomorrow. Tune in soon for another rousing edition of NAME THAT SPAM!!

Until then… mancandy!

He’s saying SPAM GIVES ME A HEADACHE!

I blame Jeannie Lin for this. She mentioned the first book and it started me down memory lane and damn, there are a lot of potholes in that road. Anyway, here are 13 books I read when I was far to young(under 16) that helped shape me. Some were fabulous, others, well, they taught me something so I guess that means they were important. I can pinpoint something I learned in each of these books that, in some way, shaped who I am.

Summer of My German Soldier

Jacob Have I Loved

Go Ask Alice

Forever

I Am the Cheese

My Brother Sam is Dead

The Kent Family Chronicles

One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest

The Outsiders

Scruples

Seventeenth Summer

Island of the Blue Dolphins

Gone with the Wind

Book #3 in the erotic Dirty Laundry series from Carina Press has been contracted for a late summer release. COMING CLEAN is a menage with Grant, Vivi and Cade. Here are 13 random lines to pique your interest.

~~~~~~~~COMING CLEAN~~~~~~~~~~

How do you ask your best friend to fuck your wife?

Grant scrubbed the wire brush across the still warm grill in a burst of nerves. He shouldn’t be sweating this. Cade had been his buddy since fourth grade, his college roommate, his best man when he’d married Vivi. They’d been through first beers, first girlfriends and first fuck-ups. Cade came to him when Shelly cheated. Grant went to him when his dad died. They knew far too much about each other to have secrets. But this wasn’t a secret— it was a fantasy.

Vivi’s fantasy.

Vivi wanted Cade.

Actually she wanted them both at the same time.

That and more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obligatory Blurb

Coming clean never felt so good…

Grant and Vivi Michaelson share everything in their marriage; love, commitment, deep friendship – even their wildest sexual desires. Vivi’s fantasy unearths a long-time secret in her straight husband…one that involves his bi-sexual best friend, Cade Lorens. Making that ménage fantasy a reality will blur lines far beyond the bedroom, strengthening their bonds or threatening their marriage.

Cade has been secretly in love with Grant for decades. He’s willing to take a three-way-tumble, but he’ll safe-guard his heart. While there might be room for him in Grant’s bed, there is no room in his marriage for a third.

An annual vacation to the lake seems the perfect time to explore, experiment and test the sexual boundaries. But no vacation ever starts smoothly. A broken washing machine forces Grant and Cade into tight, wet quarters where more than temperatures rise. The stain of forbidden love may wash away or may be permanently set.

Research is a strange strange pastime. I love it but it does look like I am doing nothing. To prove I am in fact learning, these are random facts I have gleaned from my notes. Many find their way into stories, some in small way, some in larger ones.

1- The Peregrine Falcon can reach speed of over 200 mph making it the fastest animal on Earth.

2- The top of the Matterhorn is made of African rock. The base is formed by European. Welcome to plate tectonics 101.

3- A tasset is the ’skirt’ part of a chain maile shirt (medieval armor) that protects the thigh.

4- Jaguars kill by biting and crushing the skull of their prey.

5- Eaglets who are fed sea snake fare better than eaglets who are fed a steady, healthy diet without.

6- Lady Jane was never officially crown Queen.

7- Dreamcatchers are traditionally made of willow and sinew. They are not meant to last forever but are intended to dry out and collapse as the child enters the age of adulthood.

8- Geology 201 – Because North America and Africa were connected, the Appalachians formed part of the same mountain chain as the Anti-Atlas in Morocco. To the northeast, the same mountain chain continued into Scotland, from the North America/Europe collision.

9- Animals have complex dreams and are able to retain and recall long sequences of events while they are asleep

10- “STATIC ELECTRICITY” is not unmoving, it technically means “HIGH VOLTAGE ELECTRICITY.”

11- Ponderosa Pines smell like baking cookies.

12 – No matter how distorted a quartz crystal, the long prism faces always made a perfect 60° angle

13- Some biblical scholars believe Jesus had many tattoos.

Did ya learn anything?

I ‘m back!  Didja miss me? Lie to me, okay?

Anyway, I’m back and I have a list of things to do to get settled in here. Wanna see it?

13- My office. I actually have one now! I have my desk in and my computer set up(duh) and my shelves in place but that is it. I want to paint the walls before I organize the shelves and stuff on the wall. I am open to color ideas. It is a small space, off the kitchen with hardwood floors, no window though. Hit me with your ideas.

12- Paint the entire inside of the house really. I have colors selected everywhere else though, from a toast brown to a light jalapeno jelly green (that is the actual name!!)

11- I want to finish edits on a massive contemporary that is the book of my heart to get ready for submission. I am almost there. Slow going right now, too much real life.

10- Heh, Did you know I am a mentor over on Romance Divas? Yup, I am. And my poor mentee has been drifting without anchor. until now. I finally stepped up and am doing my job and red inking all over her WIP. It has manlove in it!! I need Jake to drop trou pretty fast here. Not that I am, ya know, ANXIOUS or anything.

9- Speaking of manlove, I contracted my m/m/f menage COMING CLEAN to Carina Press as part of the Dirty Laundry series . Cade and Grant get frisky! yummo! I am looking forward to edits on them!

8- Edits, Yeah, I actually LIKE them. It means something is happening. I’m also waiting on edits for LIPSTICK ON HIS COLLAR, another steamy novella. Bram is just droolable, hands down.

7- I have a nice flowerbed with Crocuses here that someone let overgrow so bad it is shameful. I don’t know if I can save any or not it is so bad. But I am going to try. I want next spring to have it overflowing with daffodils!

6- I need a hair cut. I look like scary Walmart lady at 3AM. A brow wax wouldn’t be unheard of either.

5- Tweaks to the website. Have to get on those. *sigh* Anyone want to add a few hours to the day?

4- I am writing the final in the trilogy with Myla, Salome and Darach. DARACH IN DARKNESS is underway!!

3- Mail the taxes TODAY!!  MUST DO!

2- I don’t have a microwave!  Ours worked for one day at this new place then gave up the ghost. What is it with appliances and moving? They are worse than my preteen.

1-  I have somehow misplaced my vehicle keys… like during the move. I really hope they are not 600 miles away on a counter. I keep looking and using the spare set.

BONUS!! I have a cover for Salome at Sunrise! Did you see it? I have to line up some more promo before her debut in MAY but I do love this cover!

13 lines from LIPSTICK ON HIS COLLAR , coming soon from Samhain Publishing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Large, powerful and rough-skinned, his hands framed her face with a gentle touch, spiraling a jagged awareness through her. With one touch, he brought all those feelings of tenderness and promise back. Oh, I’m in major trouble here. Falling in love with Bram would be far too easy.

“Will you tell me your name?”

It sat on her tongue but she held it. The lure of still being his anonymous lover thrilled her with a secret wickedness. She pressed her breasts closer to his chest. “No…but if you guess it, I’ll admit it.”

His mouth quivered with a hidden smile. “What else do I get if I guess right?”

“What else do you want?”

He dropped his head to nibble at her jaw and devilish want dropped his tone to a husky, hungry level. “You, on your knees, in front of me, your lips around my cock.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*wink* It is a scorcher!